Canny Ong - We Will Not Forget

Five years have passed since June 2003, when Canny was taken from us. Five years. It sounds like a long time, but certainly doesn't feel that long ago.

My memory of Canny's passing starts with the searing-hot shock of seeing her photo in the papers, first listed as missing, then found, but no more Canny alive. Just dead. Such an indigestible thought then. The blur feelings that followed helped, perhaps; the heavy ache of seeing her mom put on a brave face for the media and the huge obscene crowd, mostly thick-skinned busybodies who just wanted a glimpse of the 'glamour' that surrounded her sensationally atrocious death. But Aunt Pearly couldn't hide the trembling fingers and trickle of tears underneath the sunglasses. The pain in the father, sisters and Brendan's face, as they greeted well-wishers (how well can you wish someone at such a time??), I remember things in slow-motion. Shielding a teary-eyed Sonia from photographers, putting on a brave kayu face (dug up from somewhere, didn't know I had one oso), talking to reporters, each one nosier than the previous. Meeting old schoolmates that I had not seen since Form 5, knowing that the only reason why I am is because Canny isn't around anymore. Feeling weird and sick in the stomach (I later found out the cause of that; morning sickness. How how happy... for me at least, except that I now couldn't turn on Yahoo Messenger and share the glorious news with can_ong because the smiley would never light up again).

At least planning for the memorial a month later gave us something to do instead of twist our fingers off in sadness and frustration. Admittedly, for quite some time, my frustration stemmed from anger. And indignation. Read Marina Mahathir's keynote speech for the memorial and a light bulb of understanding might flicker on, somewhere...

On countless nights since June 2003, and especially in June, I lie awake, not by choice but because my mind has a shroud of whatif thoughts floating hazily about. I think - What if I got to tell Canny about that website I found, that listed all the different melons that we were discussing earlier. Melons for soup, yellow melons, winter melons, water melons. Whatif Canny were still alive today, would she have a blog? Would she read mine? Whatif I got to meet up with her with my kids in tow? Whatif she got to have kids too? Whatif that last conversation with her and Preeta, about red wine and cheese, became an *actual* meet-up, over red wine and cheese? We possibly could eat through a few crates of each, yet neither finish nor tire of talking about our past and present.

Then again, no need to wait for June whatif nights; every day throws numerous incidences that trigger pleasant memories of Canny. Yes, why should they be sad? Especially now, five years on. Canny would be MAD if she saw us all sitting around muram-faced because we miss her. She'd kick us in our sorry little asses and yell, "Heyyy!!! What lahhh you all!!", she would like things that either make us laugh, or taste delicious, no bleary weary heavy thoughts and stuff... And SO, in memory of the amazing, beautiful, laughter-inducing girl with lively dancing eyes and heart of gold, here are just some pleasant memories I have in my mind right now. I'm sure that at 70, the age that she thought was appropriate to die (not too old lah, just nice, she once wrote me), I could still cackle as I crank out more memories of our escapades, so many are the fun times we had back when were were schoolkids.

Happy school girls

Happy Audrey, Canny, Preeta, Clare :-D

Rolling out pizza dough in my kitchen creates a floury mess and cheesebready aroma that brings me back to my mum's kitchen in 1989 (or was it 1988) where Canny and I made pizzas for the class party... kneading, rolling, pummelling, mashing, grating and eventually collapsing on the floor reeking of sardines and cheese, and splattered with tomato puree. And laughing. Always laughing. Next morning 6am, we carried all ten pizzas on the school bus to a roomful of appreciative classmates. "Waaah how you can make pizza like this?? BATTER than Pizza Hut la, aitelyou!! Can open shoppp areddi, no need to sit SPM!!!" Chomp chomp. Yummy sardine pizza sprinkled with green peppers and mozarella cheese. Made with two pairs of Ipoh-sun tanned hands. I still use that recipe, its foolproof.

Bananarama's "Love In The First Degree" was performed in white collared shirts knotted at the belly, and green and red flare skirts from the school store. She was a fantastic dancer, I would bet on her against anyone in "So You Think You Can Dance?" Yes, even Mel that Spice Girl.

Belinda Carlisle's "Circle In The Sand" was mangled by Phaik San, Sonia, Kathleen and Canny into "Piglet In The Sand" - 'piglet in the sand, round and round...' I can't remember the lyrics because I laughed too much and didn't hear it all.

Remember's Kaoma's Lambada? If you say no, you're not missing anything :-D The music video was deemed too hot to show on telly, but I saw a few seconds of it someplace and was asked to "showlaaa how they dance? why banned one ah?" I needed a partner and Canny it was. It requires a knee between each other's legs, and some hip gyrating, standard MTV fare of today, but with far more clothing and big 80s hair. The girls went "Wooo!!! Sooo sexy ah??!?!?!!" Convent girls were after all, cloistered, cultured and clad in pinafores with petticoats underneath. Hip gyrating? Terrrrrrible!!!

And of course, I must mention the very place where we spent the most part of our childhood - school. School in general, and especially Form Five. She sat in front of me and beside Preeta. The space between us might as well have been the Bermuda Triangle, because no body of knowledge could pass through and remain intact; it either got misconstrued because none of the six ears were listening, or obliterated by doodling, singing and first-class story-telling. I mean, CAMON lah which one more interesting to hear about; the cute guy at McDonald's or "proses menoreh getah di Bagan Serai"?? Its probably not Bagan Serai, but I wouldn't know I wasn't paying attention. Hey, at least ONE of us makes a living out of story-telling now, check out my previous post!!! No need to know how to tap rubber.

Yay bestnye kelas batal; boleh main kat koridor...

Like I said, I could go on... but I'll spare all of you who reached this far, and are groaning. That's it for my special June post, dedicated to Canny dearest. Photo credits go mostly to Joyce; I took them from the memorial slide show...